As my birthday approached a couple of years ago, a number of emotions surfaced as I faced the implications of my age. Where had the years gone? Why was my life nowhere close to how I imagined it would be by this age? Yet as I pondered the matter, I found that as I reflected back on what I had believed was the obscenely huge mess I had made of my life, I found I had learned much that made me appreciate where I was in life.
Now here I am on my 40th birthday revisiting those past ruminations. This past year I experienced some of the most awful moments of my life. At one point I was ready to leave this world firmly believing that act would make it a better place. Love and compassion from those I least expected to offer it, saved me from myself.
There are a few specific things which come to mind. For example, David and I have been watching a lot of Will & Grace re-runs over the past several years. We took to the series a while back when it was on in prime time. For myself, I felt it was a light-hearted portrayal of the modern gay man facing the day to day challenges anyone might face in life. At times it felt trite and stereotypical. But alas, when you surrender occasionally you find yourself enjoying the silly stuff, especially through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time, getting the cultural references from your childhood, keying into how ground-breaking some of it was for its time. And how funny it is, for what it is.
I didn't have a lot of heavy stuff going on in my life during much of those Will & Grace years. I was sort of a step or two back from life at the time, busy in my own world. But now I find myself more engrossed by my life, my real life and all its facets, so maybe the quips and diva turns have more appeal as a distraction. Or a surprising provoker.
In one memorable episode (indeed one of our most favorite), Cher (in a blond wig) makes a funny turn as God in a dream sequence of Jack's. He is torn between his new lower management position at Barney's, and his "true path" of acting (which has never brought him any real success), and seeks her wisdom. After lots of funny banter, Cher dispatches Jack to consciousness with the admonition to "follow your bliss."
Indeed, Jack is drawn superficially in every way on that show, but there is a funny sort of moral to his cartoonery. He chooses the less financially smart, the less prestigious, the less rational path of returning to his disastrous acting career, thanks to the advice of his hallucination, which is really just a voice inside him telling him to choose to be happy.
And if there is ever a story about following your bliss, it's Julie & Julia. Watching Meryl Streep bring the unbridled hugeness of Julia Child's joy to life, and Amy Adams' touching window into the soul of every nervous, intelligent 30 year-old, was all sheer heaven. But it also brought a lot of reality home to me.
It seems that we rocket out of our college years with a false sense of how life is structured, and what our purpose in life must be, only to be devastated when we meet the real world outside in all its complexities, its vagueness, its moral neutrality and its seductive yet frightening ambiguity. This seems to have been the case for many generations of enlightened, educated men and women. They were told about certain roles that were fixed, and then they inevitably found out it was all a sham or another. Or they trotted out along a path that naively seemed absolutely certain, only to find that there is no such thing for a life as long as we end up having.
Then the anxiety sets in. And the depression. The lows, as it were. (This was Julie, the fervent but lost soul, seeking her own path to joyous living out of the pit of a depressing job and an uncertain future.)
We frantically scramble for a high, or if one crosses our path we latch onto it with both hands and try to ride it out like a runaway truck, just to pull away from those lows, maybe banish them altogether magically. We come to depend on those highs until they begin to run our lives, command us in many ways. Make us even turn away from the most important things we cherished, the values we held so proudly, the people who love us the most. The people we once were. When we look in the mirror, it shows.And before we know it, we're living a rollercoaster life of highs and lows that becomes so exhausting that every sort of heartbreak seems to follow us everywhere. Nothing lasts. Nothing can soothe the mind or the body. And we so want to go back to that naively structured world of college (or childhood home) because it seemed far more stable, more normal, more ordered.
And then, one day, you wake up. Something sort of snaps, or completes, or jolts you out of it.
For Julie, it was the end of her project, to make all of Julia Child's recipes in one year and blog about it. For most of us it is something that just sort of runs its course and reaches a conclusion. An epiphany of sorts. Something that just wakes us up to reality and shows us that life is not meant to be some enervating typhoon of unnecessary drama and self-indulgence. That it need not be anchored to a false set of rules, nor be needlessly blown apart and set in broken pieces onto the water.
Life just is what it is. And we're best to accept it, learn its natural rhythms. We're smarter to leave aside the manic highs of indulging all our fantasies and appetites without limits, at the expense of real joy, real satisfaction, real love, and real, lasting rewards. And we are happier being our real selves, rather than trying on a million different other selves which only serves to prolong our misery.
This is when we finally debut, I think. This is when the good stuff starts to happen for us, when great ideas are allowed to flower and be nourished. When our confidence is really fed and emboldened. Opportunities suddenly appear. So do people. New love can blossom and grow wild and resilient. Old regrets can be released, old debts forgiven. Bad habits finally put in their place. Childish things left in boxes. It is this time when we suddenly become our most beautiful, when our bodies seem to fall into place and we take our real shape. When our faces begin to glow, and our smiles seem borne of a deep satisfaction we didn't know before. Our eyes begin to move more fluidly, and linger meaningfully, and our touch is heavier with feeling. Sex becomes less about emotional release, and more about emotional joining -- less fantasy and more a celebration of reality.
And you know what? It happens again. And again. And again as we go on in life. Each time it happens (30....35...40…45?) it's both more gentle and more unexpected. (We get arrogant each time thinking, "this time I found myself for real," and each time we're humbled into seeing it's a never-ending process that just gets more wonderful with time.)
I mean -- Julia Child liked to eat. Then she decided to cook. She studied. She practiced incessantly, cooking as well as eating and always perfecting, simply for the joy it gave her to eat that perfection. Then she taught cooking. Then she edited the writing of others about it. Then she wrote about it. And then she ended up on television. It was no straight line, and every step was a totally loony idea at first. But that was her extraordinary, wandering path to joy, which began when she opened herself to all its possibilities and embraced life for what it really should be.
It is not about knowing the destination. It is a lifelong journey you merely travel. And it is one I have been on for a long, long time.
And so as I say “Happy 40th” to myself, I resolutely continue on this path of returning to school which I started almost three years ago, face the uncertainty of what I will do when I complete my degrees, and embrace the joy of experiencing life with my partner, our fur babies, and the dreams we share.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thanksgiving Myths
I first posted this on my web site back in 1996. It is time for a good recycle. :-)
And now for the interval of mandatory joyfulness we call the Holiday Season. Let the lies begin!
Lie #1: Thanksgiving is the start of the Christmas season.
The holiday season used to begin when Santa appeared at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Now it begins well before Halloween, when the Hallmark stores display "collectible" mass-produced extruded plastic ornaments - Star Trek vessels, Barbies, Bugs Bunnies, Failed Third-Party Candidates, all hanging from green nooses like Lincoln assassination conspirators.
Lie #2: There are no Thanksgiving songs.
There are a few songs, but they just haven't caught on. The essence of Thanksgiving is communal gorging on decapitated birds, which does not lend itself to bouncy tunes. An accurate Thanksgiving song would go like this:
Harvey the Red-Beaked Turkey
Had a very shiny beak
And when they swung the axe blade
How he struggled and he shrieked
All of the other turkeys faced a future likewise bleak
Like Harvey, the other turkeys
Would be dead by late next week.
See? No fun at all. You could sing "O Butterball" to the Tannenbaum tune, or "Old Cold Coleslaw" to "King Wenceslas." ("Good dish old cole slaw sat there, once again uneaten...") or "O Slipp'ry Knife" to "O Holy Night." Let us sing:
O slippery knife, you slipped while I was carving
Now I am swearing while my wife calls the doc.
O slippery knife, you skidded off the breastbone
Now I am faint, and I'm going into shock.
I now regret those hours at the whetstone
I now suspect I've lost at least a quart.
Press on the wound! Cut off the circulation!
Oh knife so sharp; Oh knife, my tendon's shorn.
(Etc.)
The public has wisely resisted the very concept of Thanksgiving songs. Accept them, and you know they'll show up as mall Muzak in August.
Lie #3: In today's society, more and more men are helping with Thanksgiving dinner.
No. In my childhood, duties were clear. Mom cooked the bird. Dad carved it. I spanked the can of cranberries until a glistening gelatinous barrel plopped on the plate, wiggling uncertainly like a belly dancer who spies her pastor in the audience. I'm certain there are men who get up at dawn to help their wives shave the basil, or debone the gizzard, or whatever it is gourmets do to impress each other. Although David and I handle ourselves in the kitchen well, the majority of males avoid the kitchen, because they know they are as useful as porcupines in a balloon store.
Lie #4: The holidays have become too commercial.
The first people to complain about commercialization were the Three Wise Men, who argued bitterly about whether it was necessary to bring gold, frankincense AND myrrh. One of the Wise Men probably noted that they seemed to put up the Star in the East earlier every year.
Lie #5: Holiday meals contain a substance that puts you to sleep, a natural sedative called " tryptophan."
This is a myth. The sedative is actually called "conversation."
And now for the interval of mandatory joyfulness we call the Holiday Season. Let the lies begin!
Lie #1: Thanksgiving is the start of the Christmas season.
The holiday season used to begin when Santa appeared at the end of the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. Now it begins well before Halloween, when the Hallmark stores display "collectible" mass-produced extruded plastic ornaments - Star Trek vessels, Barbies, Bugs Bunnies, Failed Third-Party Candidates, all hanging from green nooses like Lincoln assassination conspirators.
Lie #2: There are no Thanksgiving songs.
There are a few songs, but they just haven't caught on. The essence of Thanksgiving is communal gorging on decapitated birds, which does not lend itself to bouncy tunes. An accurate Thanksgiving song would go like this:
Harvey the Red-Beaked Turkey
Had a very shiny beak
And when they swung the axe blade
How he struggled and he shrieked
All of the other turkeys faced a future likewise bleak
Like Harvey, the other turkeys
Would be dead by late next week.
See? No fun at all. You could sing "O Butterball" to the Tannenbaum tune, or "Old Cold Coleslaw" to "King Wenceslas." ("Good dish old cole slaw sat there, once again uneaten...") or "O Slipp'ry Knife" to "O Holy Night." Let us sing:
O slippery knife, you slipped while I was carving
Now I am swearing while my wife calls the doc.
O slippery knife, you skidded off the breastbone
Now I am faint, and I'm going into shock.
I now regret those hours at the whetstone
I now suspect I've lost at least a quart.
Press on the wound! Cut off the circulation!
Oh knife so sharp; Oh knife, my tendon's shorn.
(Etc.)
The public has wisely resisted the very concept of Thanksgiving songs. Accept them, and you know they'll show up as mall Muzak in August.
Lie #3: In today's society, more and more men are helping with Thanksgiving dinner.
No. In my childhood, duties were clear. Mom cooked the bird. Dad carved it. I spanked the can of cranberries until a glistening gelatinous barrel plopped on the plate, wiggling uncertainly like a belly dancer who spies her pastor in the audience. I'm certain there are men who get up at dawn to help their wives shave the basil, or debone the gizzard, or whatever it is gourmets do to impress each other. Although David and I handle ourselves in the kitchen well, the majority of males avoid the kitchen, because they know they are as useful as porcupines in a balloon store.
Lie #4: The holidays have become too commercial.
The first people to complain about commercialization were the Three Wise Men, who argued bitterly about whether it was necessary to bring gold, frankincense AND myrrh. One of the Wise Men probably noted that they seemed to put up the Star in the East earlier every year.
Lie #5: Holiday meals contain a substance that puts you to sleep, a natural sedative called " tryptophan."
This is a myth. The sedative is actually called "conversation."
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Civil Unions Are Not Marriage
As I engage in my almost daily habit of perusing the latest news on marriage equality, I find myself increasingly frustrated that civil unions are still proposed as a potential “compromise.” It might sound like a viable and even perfectly reasonable solution to those who have not actually researched the matter. Yet for those who have actually pursued the law on behalf of the public have already come to agree that this is not an acceptable legal alternative.
In an effort to help enlighten others on the issue, I decided to share my research thus far. A civil union reflects a second-class status that fails to protect committed same-sex couples who choose to be married. How can this be, you ask? Is not the idea to provide same-sex couples with the same rights as married couples without calling it “married?” Let me answer that with a few examples of how it has worked thus far.
It has been established that there are over 1100 rights and responsibilities that come with being married in the eyes of the Federal government. But even on a state level, most states have an additional 1000 or more state rights and responsibilities. These range from spousal inheritance rights to the ability to file joint tax returns to child custody rules to the transferring of workers’ compensation benefits. Some of these are fundamental, some are mundane, but all serve to underscore how deeply interwoven states’ marriage laws are and how extraordinarily they reach into the lives of countless people.
Consider New Jersey which granted civil unions to gay and lesbian couples in 2006. Many employers refused to offer them partner benefits because they were not legally married. Hospitals denied them the rights of married couples, checking the “single” box rather than the “married” box on patients’ admissions forms, thereby denying them access to hospitalized loved ones. Gay and lesbian couples were put at risk in emergencies when traveling because civil unions, unlike marriages, are not recognized across state lines.
All of these legal uncertainties led the New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission to ultimately declare civil unions a failure, finding that separate categorization “invites and encourages unequal treatment of same-sex couples and their children.”
New Jersey is not the only state to have arrived at that conclusion. Connecticut and New Hampshire have both replaced their civil union statutes with marriage for all couples. And legislators in Vermont voted to do the same by a two-thirds, bipartisan majority.
Simply put, a civil union is not a marriage, nor is it an adequate substitute for one. To suggest otherwise is a cruel fiction. Even if all of the inherent confusion and complexities could somehow be resolved and civil unions could provide couples with the same rights and responsibilities of a true marriage, the separation of the two institutions creates a badge of inferiority that forever stigmatizes the relationships of committed same-sex couples as different, separate, unequal and less worthy.
In an effort to help enlighten others on the issue, I decided to share my research thus far. A civil union reflects a second-class status that fails to protect committed same-sex couples who choose to be married. How can this be, you ask? Is not the idea to provide same-sex couples with the same rights as married couples without calling it “married?” Let me answer that with a few examples of how it has worked thus far.
It has been established that there are over 1100 rights and responsibilities that come with being married in the eyes of the Federal government. But even on a state level, most states have an additional 1000 or more state rights and responsibilities. These range from spousal inheritance rights to the ability to file joint tax returns to child custody rules to the transferring of workers’ compensation benefits. Some of these are fundamental, some are mundane, but all serve to underscore how deeply interwoven states’ marriage laws are and how extraordinarily they reach into the lives of countless people.
Consider New Jersey which granted civil unions to gay and lesbian couples in 2006. Many employers refused to offer them partner benefits because they were not legally married. Hospitals denied them the rights of married couples, checking the “single” box rather than the “married” box on patients’ admissions forms, thereby denying them access to hospitalized loved ones. Gay and lesbian couples were put at risk in emergencies when traveling because civil unions, unlike marriages, are not recognized across state lines.
All of these legal uncertainties led the New Jersey Civil Union Review Commission to ultimately declare civil unions a failure, finding that separate categorization “invites and encourages unequal treatment of same-sex couples and their children.”
New Jersey is not the only state to have arrived at that conclusion. Connecticut and New Hampshire have both replaced their civil union statutes with marriage for all couples. And legislators in Vermont voted to do the same by a two-thirds, bipartisan majority.
Simply put, a civil union is not a marriage, nor is it an adequate substitute for one. To suggest otherwise is a cruel fiction. Even if all of the inherent confusion and complexities could somehow be resolved and civil unions could provide couples with the same rights and responsibilities of a true marriage, the separation of the two institutions creates a badge of inferiority that forever stigmatizes the relationships of committed same-sex couples as different, separate, unequal and less worthy.
Friday, June 25, 2010
My iPhone 4 Experience
When I first heard the announcement about the iPhone 4 I was at once amazed and angry. Apple had to throw out a new phone when we had only had our 3GS handsets a few months. The fact that a new phone was released was no big deal. We did not jump on the 3GS right away. But this time the features were so compelling that a technology geek such as myself looked at my fairly new iPhone and thought, "dang."
Even so, it took a while to convince myself that it was worth it to get one now rather than waiting. I was late in deciding to preorder and due to the madness there never got a preorder placed. That left me to spend a week planning a strategy for getting a pair of the new iPhone 4's on launch day. Unlike previous launch days, Best Buy, Walmart, and Radio Shack were to have units in addition to Apple and AT&T stores. After making phone calls, getting upgrade quotes, and determining how much it would cost us after selling our old 3GS units, I outlined a plan for myself.
The Plan
First, I had my name on a reservation list at Radio Shack. They were to call me back to confirm the units and see if I still wanted them. Were I not to hear back from them, I would get up at 3:30 or 4am and head out to the AT&T store. If the line were less than 30 people, I would wait. Otherwise, I would head to Best Buy.
Mounting Confusion
The last four days prior to 6/24 showed how chaotic the state of affairs surrounding the iPhone 4 launch were. Radio Shack could not find the list and tried to enter me into the computer system. But it tied into AT&T which had abandoned new preorders several days earlier. The manager tried reading their cryptic instructions and took my name and email address. An employee there found the list with our names and numbers. I left completely certain that they would not be of any help.
AT&T then announced they would have no units for walk-ins on launch day. No reason to even wait in line there unless you had a confimed preorder. Enough said.
Walmart would not take preorders and had no idea how many units they would have. Best Buy had taken some preorders, but could not say how many units they would get. That made waiting there seem pointless. What if I were there with 20 other people and they only got 15 units which all went to preorders? That was not only plausible, but likely.
The New Plan
I would get up at 4am and head right to Walmart. They confirmed on Wednesday that they had received their shipment, but were not allowed to open the box. (I repeated, "the box?") The Apple store would be opening at 7am and the mall would open its doors at 5am to allow the line to start forming. I would have time to head over if Walmart had people waiting.
The Commencement of Pandemonium
Launch day could not have started any worse. I overslept and found myself throwing on clothes and rushing out the door at 5am. I made it to Walmart and there were no customers waiting. Sweet!!! I hung around until an employee asked if I were waiting for an iPhone 4. Then she informed me they had only gotten one unit. One!! They opened the box and had received one unit. Not only did I need two, I did not want to wait 3 hours to fight over a single unit.
I left there while looking up the status of stores online. My best bet at that point seemed to be the Apple store. They were the only ones confirmed to have more than a handful of units. I passed Best Buy and saw a half dozen people camping out on the sidewalk. It seemed so unlikely that I would get 2 units there, that I continued to the Tacoma Mall.
Order out of chaos
I rushed to the mall. I got there by 5:45am. I was fortunate in that they did not actually open the doors until 5:30am. However, there were people who had been waiting since 2am. The security guards marked their hands with a number to indicate the order they arrived so they could wait in their cars. Consequently, the first 100 people in line bore numbers in black marker on their hands. I obediently fell into line. We were divided into two lines: one with reservations, and the other without. By six AM we were lined up and waiting. The Apple store was already alive with scrambling employees preparing for the rumpus to ensue. We were all very excited and the situation seemed promising.
The Wait Begins
The walk-in line went down one wall, into a side corridor which had access to the restrooms, back out that corridor, and continued across the mall and out the doors. The reservations line went through one of those zig-zag posts, down parallel to our line along the wall, but did not fit in the corridor with us so immediately jumped across the mall and continued to the doors. Being stuck in that side corridor we really could not see what was going on. But the air was thick with excitement.
At some point the store manager started going down the line and counting how many 16GB and 32GB models for which each person was waiting. About 10 people ahead of me in line he announced they would not have enough 16GB models for anyone past that point in line. No worries, I thought. I was waiting on the 32GB anyway.
New Friends
By 8 AM I had introduced myself to Paula and Chris (short for Christina). The manager thought that Paula and I were a couple when he was doing his count. That was funny, although I wonder if he assumed that because she was black. Did that mean we looked like a couple? In any case, the Pretzel Maker store had opened early and Chris offered to go get us each a pretzel. That was fun. A gentleman went down our little hall with a cooler and free sodas. They were all sugar-free so I grabbed a Jamaican Ginger Ale. I thought it would be all I needed.
By 11 AM we had moved down the hall and were starting up the other side. They had passed out water and cookies to those of us in line. But we were hungry and I realized still had a long wait so I volunteered to find some pizza for us. I got Paula and myself a slice a pizza each as well as a side of fruit. At noon they distributed more cookies and joked they were fattening us up.
The next couple of hours went by slowly. We hardly moved at all. At 2:20pm they came down the hall with blizzards and smoothies. They ran out before reaching us though. :-( Later they came back with orange julius drinks. I got the last one, but was disappointed that it was some berry concoction rather than an actual orange julius.
Still Waiting
We could scarcely believe it was pushing 3pm and we were just reaching the corner of the hallway. The guard who had been at the door at the end of the hall at the start of the day went by and I told him we were still there. He said it would be moving more quickly now, but then had to address something so I could not ask him to elaborate. But by 3:15pm we rounded the corner and were in the main mall corridor. We were so excited. Sunlight was streaming in through the skylights and mall customers were going back and forth. And no more bathroom smell!
We thought our ordeal was nearly over. The line was moving so much more quickly as they started taking 5 walk-ins for every reservation. Michelle, an Apple store employee, was great. She had lots of energy and when not passing out cookies would chat with us. She kept telling us it was looking good that they had enough phones for all of us and she would definitely let us know if they were certain they would run out.
Unfortunately, since the reservations were down to nearly zero in line, they started routing our line through the zigzag. Paula was gone by this point. She bribed her daughter into waiting in line for her. LOL I really could not blame her, but it was fun talking with her. David surprised me by showing up just after we moved into the zigzag. He did not want to stay though. He had had his own long day at work and was worn out. But he was sweet enough to get a smoothie for me. :-)
Mounting Excitement
At this point we were cheering every time a person was taken from our line. The employees were very organized and one would be introduced to the next person in line and walk them into the store. We then started cheering when someone from our line left with their new iPhone. It was fun. I started thinking I might act like Jack from Will and Grace and when they selected me I would act all shocked and ecstatic like I won the lottery. But when my time finally came I was caught off guard. One employee was standing there presumably waiting on the manager to give him the go-ahead. But then he asked my name and said an employee Jacob would take care of me. Next thing I know Jacob is shaking my hand and walking me into the store amidst cheers from the line.
The excitement made that last hour seem much shorter. But when I left the store, it was 5:15pm. I had been in that mall for 11.5 hours. What a day!! But I got an iPhone 4 for both David and myself. And I have fun memories and quite a story to tell. I mean, I shared photos of Zoey and Aria with Paula and Chris, heard about Paula's career with Alaska Airlines, how Chris' husband thinks she is crazy, shared incredulity at our sitting on such a dirty floor, and more.
But I have my iPhone 4. :-)
Even so, it took a while to convince myself that it was worth it to get one now rather than waiting. I was late in deciding to preorder and due to the madness there never got a preorder placed. That left me to spend a week planning a strategy for getting a pair of the new iPhone 4's on launch day. Unlike previous launch days, Best Buy, Walmart, and Radio Shack were to have units in addition to Apple and AT&T stores. After making phone calls, getting upgrade quotes, and determining how much it would cost us after selling our old 3GS units, I outlined a plan for myself.
The Plan
First, I had my name on a reservation list at Radio Shack. They were to call me back to confirm the units and see if I still wanted them. Were I not to hear back from them, I would get up at 3:30 or 4am and head out to the AT&T store. If the line were less than 30 people, I would wait. Otherwise, I would head to Best Buy.
Mounting Confusion
The last four days prior to 6/24 showed how chaotic the state of affairs surrounding the iPhone 4 launch were. Radio Shack could not find the list and tried to enter me into the computer system. But it tied into AT&T which had abandoned new preorders several days earlier. The manager tried reading their cryptic instructions and took my name and email address. An employee there found the list with our names and numbers. I left completely certain that they would not be of any help.
AT&T then announced they would have no units for walk-ins on launch day. No reason to even wait in line there unless you had a confimed preorder. Enough said.
Walmart would not take preorders and had no idea how many units they would have. Best Buy had taken some preorders, but could not say how many units they would get. That made waiting there seem pointless. What if I were there with 20 other people and they only got 15 units which all went to preorders? That was not only plausible, but likely.
The New Plan
I would get up at 4am and head right to Walmart. They confirmed on Wednesday that they had received their shipment, but were not allowed to open the box. (I repeated, "the box?") The Apple store would be opening at 7am and the mall would open its doors at 5am to allow the line to start forming. I would have time to head over if Walmart had people waiting.
The Commencement of Pandemonium
Launch day could not have started any worse. I overslept and found myself throwing on clothes and rushing out the door at 5am. I made it to Walmart and there were no customers waiting. Sweet!!! I hung around until an employee asked if I were waiting for an iPhone 4. Then she informed me they had only gotten one unit. One!! They opened the box and had received one unit. Not only did I need two, I did not want to wait 3 hours to fight over a single unit.
I left there while looking up the status of stores online. My best bet at that point seemed to be the Apple store. They were the only ones confirmed to have more than a handful of units. I passed Best Buy and saw a half dozen people camping out on the sidewalk. It seemed so unlikely that I would get 2 units there, that I continued to the Tacoma Mall.
Order out of chaos
I rushed to the mall. I got there by 5:45am. I was fortunate in that they did not actually open the doors until 5:30am. However, there were people who had been waiting since 2am. The security guards marked their hands with a number to indicate the order they arrived so they could wait in their cars. Consequently, the first 100 people in line bore numbers in black marker on their hands. I obediently fell into line. We were divided into two lines: one with reservations, and the other without. By six AM we were lined up and waiting. The Apple store was already alive with scrambling employees preparing for the rumpus to ensue. We were all very excited and the situation seemed promising.
The Wait Begins
The walk-in line went down one wall, into a side corridor which had access to the restrooms, back out that corridor, and continued across the mall and out the doors. The reservations line went through one of those zig-zag posts, down parallel to our line along the wall, but did not fit in the corridor with us so immediately jumped across the mall and continued to the doors. Being stuck in that side corridor we really could not see what was going on. But the air was thick with excitement.
At some point the store manager started going down the line and counting how many 16GB and 32GB models for which each person was waiting. About 10 people ahead of me in line he announced they would not have enough 16GB models for anyone past that point in line. No worries, I thought. I was waiting on the 32GB anyway.
New Friends
By 8 AM I had introduced myself to Paula and Chris (short for Christina). The manager thought that Paula and I were a couple when he was doing his count. That was funny, although I wonder if he assumed that because she was black. Did that mean we looked like a couple? In any case, the Pretzel Maker store had opened early and Chris offered to go get us each a pretzel. That was fun. A gentleman went down our little hall with a cooler and free sodas. They were all sugar-free so I grabbed a Jamaican Ginger Ale. I thought it would be all I needed.
By 11 AM we had moved down the hall and were starting up the other side. They had passed out water and cookies to those of us in line. But we were hungry and I realized still had a long wait so I volunteered to find some pizza for us. I got Paula and myself a slice a pizza each as well as a side of fruit. At noon they distributed more cookies and joked they were fattening us up.
The next couple of hours went by slowly. We hardly moved at all. At 2:20pm they came down the hall with blizzards and smoothies. They ran out before reaching us though. :-( Later they came back with orange julius drinks. I got the last one, but was disappointed that it was some berry concoction rather than an actual orange julius.
Still Waiting
We could scarcely believe it was pushing 3pm and we were just reaching the corner of the hallway. The guard who had been at the door at the end of the hall at the start of the day went by and I told him we were still there. He said it would be moving more quickly now, but then had to address something so I could not ask him to elaborate. But by 3:15pm we rounded the corner and were in the main mall corridor. We were so excited. Sunlight was streaming in through the skylights and mall customers were going back and forth. And no more bathroom smell!
We thought our ordeal was nearly over. The line was moving so much more quickly as they started taking 5 walk-ins for every reservation. Michelle, an Apple store employee, was great. She had lots of energy and when not passing out cookies would chat with us. She kept telling us it was looking good that they had enough phones for all of us and she would definitely let us know if they were certain they would run out.
Unfortunately, since the reservations were down to nearly zero in line, they started routing our line through the zigzag. Paula was gone by this point. She bribed her daughter into waiting in line for her. LOL I really could not blame her, but it was fun talking with her. David surprised me by showing up just after we moved into the zigzag. He did not want to stay though. He had had his own long day at work and was worn out. But he was sweet enough to get a smoothie for me. :-)
Mounting Excitement
At this point we were cheering every time a person was taken from our line. The employees were very organized and one would be introduced to the next person in line and walk them into the store. We then started cheering when someone from our line left with their new iPhone. It was fun. I started thinking I might act like Jack from Will and Grace and when they selected me I would act all shocked and ecstatic like I won the lottery. But when my time finally came I was caught off guard. One employee was standing there presumably waiting on the manager to give him the go-ahead. But then he asked my name and said an employee Jacob would take care of me. Next thing I know Jacob is shaking my hand and walking me into the store amidst cheers from the line.
The excitement made that last hour seem much shorter. But when I left the store, it was 5:15pm. I had been in that mall for 11.5 hours. What a day!! But I got an iPhone 4 for both David and myself. And I have fun memories and quite a story to tell. I mean, I shared photos of Zoey and Aria with Paula and Chris, heard about Paula's career with Alaska Airlines, how Chris' husband thinks she is crazy, shared incredulity at our sitting on such a dirty floor, and more.
But I have my iPhone 4. :-)
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Court Decisions Supporting Same-Sex Marriage
Last week my blog was oddly silent throughout the closing arguments of the California Prop 8 trial. Okay perhaps not oddly silent since I write so infrequently. However, I kept tuning into the affair to see how it was progressing. One fascinating observation I noted was the number of references the attorney Ted Olson made to U.S. Supreme Court rulings in support of same-sex marriage. It is almost certain that the U.S. Supreme Court will cite these same cases in determining the constitutionality of Prop 8 and other state laws banning same-sex marriage. I mention this as regardless how the circuit court rules, the case will most certainly be appealed. And to continue following this, it is helpful to understand those cases that challenged some popular, yet discriminatory laws.
Loving v. Virginia
In 1958, Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter, an interracial couple married in Washington D.C., were arrested when they returned home to Virginia. Their crime was violating the state’s ban on interracial marriage. Their one-year jail sentence was suspended on the condition that they leave the state and not return for 25 years. The Lovings left, but took their case to multiple courts, including Virginia’s Supreme Court of Appeals, which ruled in favor of the state’s right to ban and penalize interracial marriages. The case reached the U.S. Supreme Court in 1967 where it overturned the decision, ruling that the ban on interracial marriage violated the Fourteenth Amendment’s protection of individual liberties.
The law’s supporters said it was “God’s will” that people of different races not be married. Sound familiar? Judge Leon Bazile at the Lovings trial actually said:
Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
Swap gender for race and the injustice is evident. The U.S. Supreme Court also noted that “the freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men.” The ruling did not state anywhere, “And this applies only to heterosexuals.”
Interesting side-bar
At this very moment the Texas Republican state party platform officially states: “We support legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple and for any civil official to perform a marriage ceremony for such.” They also oppose the legalization of sodomy which leads me to my next significant court case...
Lawrence v. Texas
In 1998 Houston police officers entered John Lawrence’s apartment after receiving a disturbance call from a neighbor, and found him having sex with another man which was against the law in Texas. The men were arrested and convicted of “deviate sexual intercourse.” This case ended up before the U.S. Supreme Court where they struck down the sodomy law holding that intimate consensual sexual conduct was part of the liberty protected by substantive due process under the Fourteenth Amendment. This further invalidated similar laws throughout the United States which criminalized sodomy between consenting same-sex adults acting in private.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
The Supreme Court’s ruling stated:
Our laws and our tradition afford constitutional protection to personal decisions relating to marriage, procreation, contraception, family relationship, child rearing, and education. Persons in a homosexual relationship may seek autonomy for these purposes just as heterosexual persons do.
Wow. It does not get much clearer than that. Ted Olson also argued last week that Prop 8 “takes away the fundamental right to marry from a class of persons based upon their practice of something that’s been decided to be a fundamental constitutional right of liberty, privacy, and association.”
Romer v. Evans
In 1992 Colorado voters approved an amendment which barred state and local governments from protecting people’s civil rights based on their sexual orientation. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that this voter-approved amendment to the state constitution surreptitiously violated the Fourteenth Amendment. The state argued that Amendment 2 merely blocked gay people from receiving “special rights”, to which Justice Kennedy wrote:
To the contrary, the amendment imposes a special disability upon those persons alone. Homosexuals are forbidden the safeguards that others enjoy or may seek without constraint.
He further argued that protection offered by antidiscrimination laws was not a “special right” because they protected fundamental rights already enjoyable by all other citizens. And it gets better. Kennedy also wrote that the amendment did not even meet the much lower requirement of having a rational relationship to a legitimate government purpose:
Its sheer breadth is so discontinuous with the reasons offered for it that the amendment seems inexplicable by anything but animus toward the class that it affects; it lacks a rational relationship to legitimate state interests.
[Amendment 2] is at once too narrow and too broad. It identifies persons by a single trait and then denies them protection across the board. The resulting disqualification of a class of persons from the right to seek specific protection from the law is unprecedented in our jurisprudence.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
I feel as if I am stating the obvious here. Prop 8 denies people’s civil rights based on sexual orientation.
Sweatt v. Painter
Heman Marion Sweatt was denied admission to the School of Law of the University of Texas on the grounds that the Texas State Constitution prohibited integrated education. During the trial, Texas created a separate law school for blacks and offered Sweatt admission. Yet in 1950 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Sweatt’s favor, again based on the Fourteenth Amendment.
And how does this relate to same-sex marriage?
Separate is not equal. Despite Texas’ attempt to create a separate environment for blacks, the “separate but equal” philosophy which was the norm was overturned. And the direct correlation is that domestic partnerships are not equal to marriage.
Reitman v. Mulkey
In 1964 the voters of California approved Prop 14 which amended the state constitution nullifying the Rumford Fair Housing Act. The amendment stated:
Neither the State nor any subdivision or agency thereof shall deny, limit or abridge, directly or indirectly, the right of any person, who is willing or desires to sell, lease or rent any part of all of his real property, to decline to sell, lease or rent such property to such person or persons as he, in his absolute discretion, chooses.
It sounds like it merely says you can sell or rent to whomever you choose. Read it again slowly. It means you can discriminate against anyone – legally.
The U.S. Supreme Court set an important legal precedent here. A state’s amendment passed by initiative could be removed from their constitution if the proffered amendment “encouraged” racial discrimination. The Court noted that this was nothing less than considering a permissive state statute as an authorization to discriminate.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
The fact that an amendment is approved by voters does not mean it can enforce discrimination. And any such amendment can, and should be, removed.
These are some of the most significant court cases quoted during the closing arguments. There are many more. Those curious may read the trial proceeding for themselves as well as look up the court cases I referenced above (there are numerous law sites which provide all of the details). I particularly find the direct questions by the court and the answers by the attorneys very enlightening. And while it is true that California voters approved Prop 8, if a public poll were taken in the 1960s, to decide the fate of interracial marriage, an unjust outcome would have been just as predictable.
Loving v. Virginia
In 1958, Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter, an interracial couple married in Washington D.C., were arrested when they returned home to Virginia. Their crime was violating the state’s ban on interracial marriage. Their one-year jail sentence was suspended on the condition that they leave the state and not return for 25 years. The Lovings left, but took their case to multiple courts, including Virginia’s Supreme Court of Appeals, which ruled in favor of the state’s right to ban and penalize interracial marriages. The case reached the U.S. Supreme Court in 1967 where it overturned the decision, ruling that the ban on interracial marriage violated the Fourteenth Amendment’s protection of individual liberties.
The law’s supporters said it was “God’s will” that people of different races not be married. Sound familiar? Judge Leon Bazile at the Lovings trial actually said:
Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
Swap gender for race and the injustice is evident. The U.S. Supreme Court also noted that “the freedom to marry has long been recognized as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men.” The ruling did not state anywhere, “And this applies only to heterosexuals.”
Interesting side-bar
At this very moment the Texas Republican state party platform officially states: “We support legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple and for any civil official to perform a marriage ceremony for such.” They also oppose the legalization of sodomy which leads me to my next significant court case...
Lawrence v. Texas
In 1998 Houston police officers entered John Lawrence’s apartment after receiving a disturbance call from a neighbor, and found him having sex with another man which was against the law in Texas. The men were arrested and convicted of “deviate sexual intercourse.” This case ended up before the U.S. Supreme Court where they struck down the sodomy law holding that intimate consensual sexual conduct was part of the liberty protected by substantive due process under the Fourteenth Amendment. This further invalidated similar laws throughout the United States which criminalized sodomy between consenting same-sex adults acting in private.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
The Supreme Court’s ruling stated:
Our laws and our tradition afford constitutional protection to personal decisions relating to marriage, procreation, contraception, family relationship, child rearing, and education. Persons in a homosexual relationship may seek autonomy for these purposes just as heterosexual persons do.
Wow. It does not get much clearer than that. Ted Olson also argued last week that Prop 8 “takes away the fundamental right to marry from a class of persons based upon their practice of something that’s been decided to be a fundamental constitutional right of liberty, privacy, and association.”
Romer v. Evans
In 1992 Colorado voters approved an amendment which barred state and local governments from protecting people’s civil rights based on their sexual orientation. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that this voter-approved amendment to the state constitution surreptitiously violated the Fourteenth Amendment. The state argued that Amendment 2 merely blocked gay people from receiving “special rights”, to which Justice Kennedy wrote:
To the contrary, the amendment imposes a special disability upon those persons alone. Homosexuals are forbidden the safeguards that others enjoy or may seek without constraint.
He further argued that protection offered by antidiscrimination laws was not a “special right” because they protected fundamental rights already enjoyable by all other citizens. And it gets better. Kennedy also wrote that the amendment did not even meet the much lower requirement of having a rational relationship to a legitimate government purpose:
Its sheer breadth is so discontinuous with the reasons offered for it that the amendment seems inexplicable by anything but animus toward the class that it affects; it lacks a rational relationship to legitimate state interests.
[Amendment 2] is at once too narrow and too broad. It identifies persons by a single trait and then denies them protection across the board. The resulting disqualification of a class of persons from the right to seek specific protection from the law is unprecedented in our jurisprudence.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
I feel as if I am stating the obvious here. Prop 8 denies people’s civil rights based on sexual orientation.
Sweatt v. Painter
Heman Marion Sweatt was denied admission to the School of Law of the University of Texas on the grounds that the Texas State Constitution prohibited integrated education. During the trial, Texas created a separate law school for blacks and offered Sweatt admission. Yet in 1950 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Sweatt’s favor, again based on the Fourteenth Amendment.
And how does this relate to same-sex marriage?
Separate is not equal. Despite Texas’ attempt to create a separate environment for blacks, the “separate but equal” philosophy which was the norm was overturned. And the direct correlation is that domestic partnerships are not equal to marriage.
Reitman v. Mulkey
In 1964 the voters of California approved Prop 14 which amended the state constitution nullifying the Rumford Fair Housing Act. The amendment stated:
Neither the State nor any subdivision or agency thereof shall deny, limit or abridge, directly or indirectly, the right of any person, who is willing or desires to sell, lease or rent any part of all of his real property, to decline to sell, lease or rent such property to such person or persons as he, in his absolute discretion, chooses.
It sounds like it merely says you can sell or rent to whomever you choose. Read it again slowly. It means you can discriminate against anyone – legally.
The U.S. Supreme Court set an important legal precedent here. A state’s amendment passed by initiative could be removed from their constitution if the proffered amendment “encouraged” racial discrimination. The Court noted that this was nothing less than considering a permissive state statute as an authorization to discriminate.
How does this relate to same-sex marriage?
The fact that an amendment is approved by voters does not mean it can enforce discrimination. And any such amendment can, and should be, removed.
These are some of the most significant court cases quoted during the closing arguments. There are many more. Those curious may read the trial proceeding for themselves as well as look up the court cases I referenced above (there are numerous law sites which provide all of the details). I particularly find the direct questions by the court and the answers by the attorneys very enlightening. And while it is true that California voters approved Prop 8, if a public poll were taken in the 1960s, to decide the fate of interracial marriage, an unjust outcome would have been just as predictable.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The dark cloud gathers, oh wait it's just another birthday
My birthday is next Saturday.
I had wanted a big celebration of my 9th annual 29th birthday. But that just sounds too ridiculous and it seems far too many people do such things as if denying their true age will change something. My party was going to be a fabulous, llama-optional affair. Guests would come dressed as themselves. Music would be a blend of hip-hop to get in touch with my “brotha” side and pop/alternative with maybe some jazz to cover everything else I like. So happy 38th to me!
As most of you know life got rough for me about five years ago. And just over four years ago it turned completely upside down. Some people redo their kitchens, incubate children, or get through college in that time. Most of it I spent in denial. But this past year I found my way back to family, the real world, and life.
It is not a long time. There are people who have been at it far longer than I have. It's just weird to look back and see what was and what is and try to reconcile the two. I am still the same yet completely different and it has happened not in years but months, days, hours, moments. Tiny little moments. When something blows up your life you can either stay pinned under the giant concrete slab or try and get the damned thing off you and figure out how to get on with it. (And hey, it took me three years to get the damned thing off me so I could move on. I know it is easier said than done, but it needs to be done or why bother living?).
And now my 38th birthday is upon me so I figured I would jot down these little tidbits as I will likely need to be reminded of them in the months to come. I have learned a few things:
Family is everything.
True friends are next.
My cats are part of my family.
I cannot be pessimistic when I am sitting by a fire.
Pizza and a movie at home can be more fun than a night on the town.
Acceptance is probably the hardest thing to do when facing just about any sort of crap. Mute resignation to one’s fate is not the same as true acceptance. There is a difference between feeling defeated and bitter versus accepting and looking forward. This leads to my next realization…
I am trying to accept that what I thought would be happening by the time I was 38 is not happening. The map you create for your life will be amended and changed and reconstructed and torn up and then remade again and again and again and that is ok. I know this. Yet I find myself feeling sad so I know that I cannot seem to find it within me to truly accept it.
On the other hand, I learned to accept who I am. I learned to (and am still working to) not compare myself and my life to others. I am a work in progress and will continue to be. It's all about learning folks. Trial and error is a natural tactic. Would I like to change a few things? Sure. But my experiences have made me what I am. Let's not live in regret but accept ourselves and continue to grow.
I have learned to not be ashamed to cry especially in front of someone who loves you.
I have learned that you should not hold in true feelings and that you should always demand a direct answer. Just be prepared if the answer is one you do not want to hear.
I really learned to embrace the saying "things could always be worse." Even when I have been extremely down this past year I tried really hard to be thankful for the things I did have and the things for which I was in control. And it is so true! Things could always be worse. Celebrate the things you have and the people around you.
I found the best one. And I made him my life partner.
I always have a song in my head. It loops endlessly throughout the day and I cannot help but sing along. And life is happiest when it matches the one in my heart.
Buying more stuff does not necessarily lead to more happiness.
After I have been home a while my partner has my song stuck in his head.
It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
Two semi-wild cats and a part passionate designer-part neat freak make a living, breathing, shedding syndicated comic strip (but you didn’t hear that from me!).
I learned that I can make things happen on my own. I have learned to give myself more credit and to not be afraid of my ideas even if they fail.
Faith is tricky.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
Things will change and you can wail and fight like a stubborn jerk, but they will just change anyway. Life does not really give a crap if you liked the old way better.
Food made with love can heal. So can a cocktail.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to does not mean they do not love you with all they have.
I am glad when I realize that I can say I have lived 38 years, but there have been many moments of late when I wished I had not divulged my true age. This hinders my acceptance.
I have learned that time is relative. I can leave at 6:15am and not be done with work, commute, gym workout, dinner, cleaning dishes, and a couple hours of homework until after 9pm, and I still have time to talk to someone I care about. But there are days when I need time to myself and that is okay too.
No matter what cool trick you can do with computers or technology, someone else can do something even more impressive.
It is okay to be the person in the room with the fewest social networking devices on the table. (Although it is fun to trump all others with a single iPhone.)
I had some tests done. It is somewhat up in the air right now. The mysterious weight loss last September and October was “just stress.” But hey, my waist is back to what it was at age 20 and I am in the best shape ever. Jenny Craig eat your heart out.
Looking for a pair of pants that fits in the boys section does not make me feel younger.
Snow makes me feel like a kid again.
I have learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I never realized how little I pushed myself before. Now I can do one-arm push ups while a year ago I could scarcely keep my arms steady doing regular push ups.
I love to watch my Bengal cat, Aria, as she plays with her toys or items from my desk, marveling at her preoccupation with the present, her fascination with whatever the moment brings. It is her gift to me given endlessly, a constant reminder to stay squarely in the now, for nothing else is life, everything else is beyond your control. By following her lead, I tell myself, I will multiply my remaining time by cat years.
I have learned that I no longer think the same. I have come face to face with my own mortality. The indestructibility of the 20s has given way to the realization that I am but passing through this life and if I do not make time for what really matters now, when will I? And instead of going out all hours of the night, I think of how many brain cells I’m destroying every time a single drink turns into 4, I have too much to do the next day, why do we have to park so far, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for $150, they cost as much as $50 each if you buy them separately, and you get a frying pan thrown in, and…
But it's January. I have work in the morning and an essay to write for class. And we are already planning our next vacation. Zoey is sleeping next to me, and Aria is on a chair across the room dreaming up new ways to make toys out of everyday items. David has fallen asleep to "Will and Grace" on the other side of me. After 12 years it is still our favorite show. As for me, I am contemplating the moments I feel most alive.
One last bit of wisdom as I close my birthday ruminations - life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you will see.
Introspectively,
David
I had wanted a big celebration of my 9th annual 29th birthday. But that just sounds too ridiculous and it seems far too many people do such things as if denying their true age will change something. My party was going to be a fabulous, llama-optional affair. Guests would come dressed as themselves. Music would be a blend of hip-hop to get in touch with my “brotha” side and pop/alternative with maybe some jazz to cover everything else I like. So happy 38th to me!
As most of you know life got rough for me about five years ago. And just over four years ago it turned completely upside down. Some people redo their kitchens, incubate children, or get through college in that time. Most of it I spent in denial. But this past year I found my way back to family, the real world, and life.
It is not a long time. There are people who have been at it far longer than I have. It's just weird to look back and see what was and what is and try to reconcile the two. I am still the same yet completely different and it has happened not in years but months, days, hours, moments. Tiny little moments. When something blows up your life you can either stay pinned under the giant concrete slab or try and get the damned thing off you and figure out how to get on with it. (And hey, it took me three years to get the damned thing off me so I could move on. I know it is easier said than done, but it needs to be done or why bother living?).
And now my 38th birthday is upon me so I figured I would jot down these little tidbits as I will likely need to be reminded of them in the months to come. I have learned a few things:
Family is everything.
True friends are next.
My cats are part of my family.
I cannot be pessimistic when I am sitting by a fire.
Pizza and a movie at home can be more fun than a night on the town.
Acceptance is probably the hardest thing to do when facing just about any sort of crap. Mute resignation to one’s fate is not the same as true acceptance. There is a difference between feeling defeated and bitter versus accepting and looking forward. This leads to my next realization…
I am trying to accept that what I thought would be happening by the time I was 38 is not happening. The map you create for your life will be amended and changed and reconstructed and torn up and then remade again and again and again and that is ok. I know this. Yet I find myself feeling sad so I know that I cannot seem to find it within me to truly accept it.
On the other hand, I learned to accept who I am. I learned to (and am still working to) not compare myself and my life to others. I am a work in progress and will continue to be. It's all about learning folks. Trial and error is a natural tactic. Would I like to change a few things? Sure. But my experiences have made me what I am. Let's not live in regret but accept ourselves and continue to grow.
I have learned to not be ashamed to cry especially in front of someone who loves you.
I have learned that you should not hold in true feelings and that you should always demand a direct answer. Just be prepared if the answer is one you do not want to hear.
I really learned to embrace the saying "things could always be worse." Even when I have been extremely down this past year I tried really hard to be thankful for the things I did have and the things for which I was in control. And it is so true! Things could always be worse. Celebrate the things you have and the people around you.
I found the best one. And I made him my life partner.
I always have a song in my head. It loops endlessly throughout the day and I cannot help but sing along. And life is happiest when it matches the one in my heart.
Buying more stuff does not necessarily lead to more happiness.
After I have been home a while my partner has my song stuck in his head.
It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
Two semi-wild cats and a part passionate designer-part neat freak make a living, breathing, shedding syndicated comic strip (but you didn’t hear that from me!).
I learned that I can make things happen on my own. I have learned to give myself more credit and to not be afraid of my ideas even if they fail.
Faith is tricky.
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
Things will change and you can wail and fight like a stubborn jerk, but they will just change anyway. Life does not really give a crap if you liked the old way better.
Food made with love can heal. So can a cocktail.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to does not mean they do not love you with all they have.
I am glad when I realize that I can say I have lived 38 years, but there have been many moments of late when I wished I had not divulged my true age. This hinders my acceptance.
I have learned that time is relative. I can leave at 6:15am and not be done with work, commute, gym workout, dinner, cleaning dishes, and a couple hours of homework until after 9pm, and I still have time to talk to someone I care about. But there are days when I need time to myself and that is okay too.
No matter what cool trick you can do with computers or technology, someone else can do something even more impressive.
It is okay to be the person in the room with the fewest social networking devices on the table. (Although it is fun to trump all others with a single iPhone.)
I had some tests done. It is somewhat up in the air right now. The mysterious weight loss last September and October was “just stress.” But hey, my waist is back to what it was at age 20 and I am in the best shape ever. Jenny Craig eat your heart out.
Looking for a pair of pants that fits in the boys section does not make me feel younger.
Snow makes me feel like a kid again.
I have learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I never realized how little I pushed myself before. Now I can do one-arm push ups while a year ago I could scarcely keep my arms steady doing regular push ups.
I love to watch my Bengal cat, Aria, as she plays with her toys or items from my desk, marveling at her preoccupation with the present, her fascination with whatever the moment brings. It is her gift to me given endlessly, a constant reminder to stay squarely in the now, for nothing else is life, everything else is beyond your control. By following her lead, I tell myself, I will multiply my remaining time by cat years.
I have learned that I no longer think the same. I have come face to face with my own mortality. The indestructibility of the 20s has given way to the realization that I am but passing through this life and if I do not make time for what really matters now, when will I? And instead of going out all hours of the night, I think of how many brain cells I’m destroying every time a single drink turns into 4, I have too much to do the next day, why do we have to park so far, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for $150, they cost as much as $50 each if you buy them separately, and you get a frying pan thrown in, and…
But it's January. I have work in the morning and an essay to write for class. And we are already planning our next vacation. Zoey is sleeping next to me, and Aria is on a chair across the room dreaming up new ways to make toys out of everyday items. David has fallen asleep to "Will and Grace" on the other side of me. After 12 years it is still our favorite show. As for me, I am contemplating the moments I feel most alive.
One last bit of wisdom as I close my birthday ruminations - life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you will see.
Introspectively,
David
Saturday, August 15, 2009
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